How Feelings of Helplessness May Give Rise to Destructive Violence

Joseph Burgoin
Social Behavior
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The Psychotherapy Relationship
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Unbearable Emotion
26

Reading about Adam Lanza, the Newtown shooter, in today's New York Times brought to mind Anders Behring Breivik, the Norwegian mass murderer who set off bombs and murdered at least 76 people back in 2011. These two men have several features in common, including social isolation, a fascination with Call of Duty (a war-oriented video game) and a history of having been bullied.

In this earlier post about Breivik, I highlighted the role of basic shame in psychopathic behavior. Adama Lanza appears to have suffered from some kind of autism spectrum disorder, which suggests early and pervasive psychological damage -- the kind that might leave a person with a core sense of defect or shame. On the other hand, Lanza's mother and father didn't divorce until he was 17 years old and, according to court records, appeared to be caring, involved parents who divorced without much animosity. Perhaps as we learn more, we might uncover a history of family discord and evidence of early trauma. We do know that Adam had broken off relations when his father began dating and eventually married another woman, suggesting that the divorce had troubled Adam deeply. Then there's the mother who let her son amass his own private arsenal of lethal weaponry. Surely we're not dealing with your average American family here.

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Heroes, Role Models and Idols

Joseph Burgoin
Social Behavior
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Society and Culture
45

Now that I've gone through all the responses to my last post and done a little more reading on the subject, I feel clearer about heroes and what we expect of them. While a number of people made idiosyncratic or very personal choices, the majority named men and women who tended (1) to have overcome some kind of adversity and (2) behaved in a selfless manner. I'll be exploring these attributes further in the final section of my upcoming eSingle, The Hero as Narcissist: How Greg Mortenson and Lance Armstrong Conned a Willing Public, available some time during the month of April.

At first, I tried to make a distinction between heroes and role models, but the more I read about their defining features, they didn't strike me as very different. Heroes and role models both tend to embody our ideals for human behavior. That's a good thing, I suppose -- we need to have ideals we can strive toward. But we can get into trouble when we idealize those people who embody our ideals, when we fail to see them as human beings with some outstanding qualities but flawed and fallible like the rest of us in other areas.

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Who Are Your Heroes and Why?

Joseph Burgoin
Social Behavior
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Society and Culture
89

As I work on the final section of my eBook about Greg Mortenson and Lance Armstrong ("The Hero as Narcissist"), I've been thinking about why the public so ready to believe the stories they invented about themselves -- that is, why we need heroes/heroines to admire. In my research, I came across an interesting quote. So far, I haven't been able to attribute it to an actual person, whether it's an ancient proverb or if someone in particular first said it.

"Tell me who your heroes are, and I'll tell you who you are – or at least who you want to be."

Whoever said it first, I think this sentence contains an important truth.

I'd like to ask for your help in clarifying my thoughts about this issue, so I'm inviting everyone to leave a comment and tell me: (1) if you have a particular hero or heroine; and (2) why that person is heroic in your eyes. Keep it short. In advance, I'd ask that nobody criticize the choice made by anyone else. I won't approve any comment that shows disrespect for another person.

Outgrowing Your Parents

Joseph Burgoin
Relationship Issues
61

During a recent session, Becca (mid-20s) was describing a typical argument with her mother. She and her mom have a close but combative relationship; in their fights, Becca often feels frustrated at her mom's immaturity. Becca's parents have been divorced for many years and her mother has drifted from one low-level job to another, never fulfilling her early potential, largely because of impulsive or ill-considered choices that involved taking the easy way out. Since therapy began, Becca has worked hard to overcome similar tendencies in her own character and has done remarkably well in a difficult career.

Becca's mother often gives unwanted advice that Becca finds irritating. "Look at what she's done with her own life," she told me in session. "Who is she to give me advice about how to run mine?"

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